


Passing Ships

by SmilesLikeIMeanIt



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, College Clexa, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Eventual Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Modern Setting Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Reference to Lexa dating a guy (briefly), Teen Clexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:55:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24340921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmilesLikeIMeanIt/pseuds/SmilesLikeIMeanIt
Summary: Lexa was always told 'what's for you won't pass you by', so why does it feel like that's exactly what's happening?Modern AU
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 14
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

_June 2010_

Lexa applies a light layer of gloss over her plump limps, smacking them together as she steps back to eye her outfit in the mirror, it’s not very exciting but it’s comfortable, and it’s not like it matters much anyway, everyone’ll be too wasted by the time she arrives to care about her fashion choices. She takes a steadying breath, running her fingers through her hair to give it a more tossled look. She’d spent the best part of the last 4 years begrudgingly learning to love it’s volume.

She’d be lying to herself if she said she wasn’t nervous, she’d gone her entire high school career without partying. Well, of course she _went_ to parties, but she never drank and always made curfew, she had more important things to worry about than social status and blacking out on a Friday night. But high school was over now, she had no more excuses and she had allowed Anya to convince her that she absolutely could not go to college without a _proper_ high school party experience.

She was bound to be out of her depth, ,she’d seen how these parties go, watched her peers shotgun beers, and down shots until they passed out, fell over, or inevitably broke something. She never felt like she was missing out, though Anya insisted she was. She was happy to dance to the beat of her own drum, and by dance that was, sitting perfectly still with a solo cup full of Mountain Dew while other people danced around her.

She doesn’t regret it, she had big goals and she was on the fast track to achieving them, but she’s smart enough to know that she wouldn’t feel this nervous if she’d played the high school game same as everyone else.

A light knock shakes her from her thoughts. Her mom is leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed, the ghost of a smile gracing her lips, she eyes Lexa for a moment and her smile deepens. “You look nice.”

Lexa rolls her eyes and scoffs, stretching down the sleeves of her grey sweater. “Thanks” it comes out sheepish though she doesn’t intend it too.

“Anya’s outside”.

“Why didn’t she come in?”

“She said you’d only try to seduce her with pizza and ice cream to skip the party.”

Lexa lets out a proper laugh this time because that very thought had crossed her mind many times today. “She knows me too well.”

Her mom smiles again, nodding in agreement, “That she does. Now come on, she doesn’t like to be kept waiting”.

Lexa moves towards the door as her mom stands up straight, blocking her path. She opens her arms when Lexa gives her a quizzical look and Lexa falls into them without hesitation, taking comfort in the strong embrace, allowing the lavender smell of comfort softener to calm her nerves. She doesn’t want to move, her mom seems to know that and gives her one last tight squeeze before taking a small step back and cupping Lexa’s face in both her hands, “Time to go.”

Anya’s leaning against Lexa’s dad’s car, one foot on the door, her full focus on her phone. Lexa clears her throat and Anya glances upward, having the courtesy to look at least a little guilty, “Sorry.”

Lexa’s mom chuckles, “You will be if Titus finds a footprint on his car.”

Anya’s eyes widen in genuine concern making Lexa giggle, she gently ushers Anya away from the car and down the driveway, “Bye mom.”

“Have fun girls!... Be safe!” She calls as afterthought. Lexa smiles to herself, her mother knows she would be nothing if not safe but she likes that she still thinks to mention it.

“So, you excited?” Anya asks, still tapping away at her phone.

“Mm, sure, I guess.” Lexa shrugs, she is a little excited. Anya looks up from her phone for a brief moment, eying her friend like she doesn’t believe a word that just came out of her mouth and turns back to her screen. “Who’re you texting anyway?”

When Anya doesn’t respond, Lexa waves her hand between Anya’s face and her phone. “Wha- huh?”

“I asked who you’re texting that’s got you so preoccupied?”

Anya finishes her message and pockets her phone. Lexa can tell her fists are clenched even from inside her jacket pockets. “Raven.”

“Well that sounds loaded, what’s up?”

Anya hesitates, looking doubtful for a moment before sighing in resignation, “She’s bringing a friend to the party.”

“So? You’re bringing a friend to the party.”

“I’m not _bringing_ you.” Anya rolls her eyes, “They’re your friends too.”

“Mmm.” Lexa hums again, but she supposes they are her friends, she’s grown up with them her entire life, knows all their families on a first name basis, but that’s just how things worked in this town, if she considered it, _really_ considered it, none of them were much more than casual acquaintances at best. She knew nothing of substance about any of them except Anya, all she really knew about them was surface information, and their dirty laundry

“Anyway, I don’t mean that she’s literally arriving to the party with a friend, I mean she’s _bringing_ a friend. From Arkadia.”

This piques Lexa’s interest, she thought Anya and Raven had been getting close, but she knew better to point that out to Anya who was visibly put out by this new development. Instead, she opted to go a safer route, “She used to live there, Anya, I’m sure she has lots of friends from there.”

“Yeah well… whatever.” Anya knows Lexa’s right, Lexa can tell she knew she was probably overreacting even before mentioning it in the first place. “What about you? Got your eye on anyone tonight?”

Lexa scoffs at that. “Hardly.”

“None of these small town bumpkins cut it for you, Lex?” She teases, nudging Lexa with her elbow.

“Anya, if I was destined to find love in this town, I’m sure I would have happened long before now.”

Anya rolls her eyes again but Lexa misses it, she taps Lexa’s elbow before taking off into a light jog. “Come on, Woods, pick up the pace, we’re already late.”

\---

The party’s heaving when they arrive. A black of thick, humid heat greets them as they step through the front door, sweaty bodies grind on each other against walls and on couches in the dimly lit living room, the music is pounding so loudly Lexa can’t even make out what song is playing. Anya taps her hand to get her attention, motioning with her hand that they should get a drink. They push their way through their former classmates crowding the hallway, making their way to the kitchen where it’s significantly brighter but only slightly less noisy.

“Hey ladies,” they’re met with the beaming smile and slightly glazed eyes of their friend, shaggy hair stuck to his forehead with sweat, his shirt is off and tucked into the waistband of his jeans, his signature beaded necklace firmly in place where it has been since the first day of freshman year.

“Hey Ilian’ Lexa offers him a small wave, Anya just nodding in lieu of a greeting.

“What’re you drinking?”

Lexa freezes. She doesn’t know. Her eyes widen briefly and she turns to Anya, silently pleading for help.

“Two beers”. Lexa releases a nervous breath, mouthing ‘thank you’ to her friend when Ilian’s back is turned.

He returns from the fridge within seconds handing a can of IPA to each girl, “Two beers.”

“Thanks.”

Anya moves to usher them to the backyard but Ilian stops them, “Hey, you forgot your welcome shot.”

He’s already pouring before Lexa has time to refuse. She promised herself no hard liquor. Anya takes her hand pulling her back to the counter.

“What’re we toasting?” he asks, placing an arm gently around Lexa’s shoulders, he smells of booze and aftershave, it’s surprising nice nice mix, but it doesn’t forgive the way his sweaty body sticks lightly to her sweater. She cringes and he pulls away, “Oh, sorry.”

“That’s ok” she offers him a kind smile, and he shoots one back at her.

“To Lexa’s first big-girl party experience.” Anya exclaims louder than required, causing Lexa to groan when it garners a few looks from nearby partygoers.

“Anya…”

Ilian smiles again, clinking his shot glass with theirs. “To Lexa!”

Lexa doesn’t say anything, just taps her sticky glass with her friends’ and throws the shot back. It burns her mouth and tastes like liquorice, like the kind her grandpa used to keep on his side table when she was little, she hunches her shoulders slightly and feels her face squirm until the sharp liquid warms her belly.

“Congratulations on your first real drink!” Anya lifts her beer in Lexa’s direction before taking a sip.

“How was it?” Ilian asks, as if they hadn’t just tasted the same thing.

“I didn’t hate it.”

He smiles, “Well, that’s good, most people hate the taste of sambuca. I like it.”

“Me too.” She agrees with a shy smile.

“Ok, I need to find Raven, we’re moving.” Anya nudges Lexa away from the counter and towards the back door.

“Come find me later!” Ilian calls after them, “We’ll do Fireball next!”

“Ilian’s in love with you.” Anya says matter-of-fact once they reach the backyard and are safely out of earshot.

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“He is, it’s so obvious. Everyone knows it.”

“Everyone does not know it, because it’s not true.”

“They totally do, and he totally is.”

“Shut up.” Lexa laughs, pushing her friend, causing Anya to bump into a guy standing with a small group of people but he doesn’t even notice.

“Whatever, I can say I told-you-so tomorrow after he tries to kiss you.”

“There’s not going to be any kissing.” Lexa insists.

“Who’s kissing who?” They turn to find Raven standing behind them, a bottle of Jameson in one hand, and a stack of solo cups in the other.

“Ilian and Lexa.” Anya says before Lexa has time to object.

Raven smiles, her eyes glimmering with mischief, “About time! He’s been in love with you forever.”

“What?” Lexa doesn’t have time to comprehend this revelation before Raven ushers them to an empty spot near the fire pit. She offers them both a cup which they accept, and pours them a generous amount of whiskey.

“Uhm, I’m actually good Raven, I have a beer.”

Lexa _really_ promised herself to avoid hard liquor.

“Pfff, beer is for bitches. Drink up!”

Lexa places her cup on the ground in front of her, gingerly sipping from her beer instead. She doesn’t like the taste and is grateful that it’s ice coldness is masking most of the flavour. She looks past Raven to the unfamiliar girl hovering nearby. Lexa observes her, she has the softest looking blond hair Lexa has ever seen, her eyes look cerulean blue, but it’s difficult to be certain in the night, her face is lit only by the glow of the nearby fire, and Lexa can’t tell if she’s blushing when their eyes meet, or if the warmth from the flames is causing her cheeks to flush. She’s holding one of Raven’s solo cups, and Lexa doesn’t know where she finds such bold courage when she stands to introduce herself.

“I’m Lexa.” She steps forward and extends a hand to the beautiful stranger.

The girl takes it, clearly grateful to be acknowledged. “Hi, I’m Clarke.”

“Shit, sorry Clarke” Raven steals her friend away, guiding her towards Anya and the rest of the small group that’s begun to form. “Everyone, this is Clarke, Clarke,” she gestures around the group, “This is everyone.”

“Easy to remember.” Clarke mutters quietly but Lexa hears and snorts, spitting out a small bit of beer. She can’t be certain but she swears she sees a brief smile flicker across Clarke’s lips.

“So, what’s your story, Clarke?” Anya asks, “What brings you to our neck of the woods?”

“Raven.” Clarke deadpans and Lexa snorts again, more subtly this time.

“You two are close.” Anya observes, watching dangerously as Clarke links arms with Raven, a challenging look in her eyes.

“Just old friends.” Clarke assures her though her posture is strong, ready to take on whatever Anya wants to throw at her next. Lexa’s not met many people who are a match for her best friend, but this stranger looks like she could give her a run for her money.

“Mmm, Raven’s never mentioned you is all.”

Raven throws Anya a searing glare, “Yes I have, you just never listen.”

“Come on now lovebirds, no fighting.”

“Fuck off, John.” Anya snaps, and the brown haired boy holds his hands up in immediate surrender.

“Alright, relax, I was just messing with you guys.” He looks at the stranger in the circle of friends, and offers his hand, “John Murphy, you can just call me Murphy, everyone does.” He glances at Anya, “Almost everyone.”

“Nice to meet you, John.”

Clarke takes a seat on the grass by Lexa, “So, you guys do this a lot?” When Lexa gives her a quizzical looks, she clarifies, “Party?”

“Not a lot, the guy whose house this is is really the only person in town who throws parties.” Lexa explains.

“How come?”

“His parents travel a lot, and everyone else lives pretty close to town, and in a town this size, a teenage party would never fly under the cops’ radar.”

Clarke nods knowingly, “Makes sense.”

There’s a beat of silence before Clarke speaks again, “You don’t like whiskey?”

Lexa follows her gaze to the drink still sitting untouched by her feet.

“I’m not much of a drinker.”

“That’s cool.”

There’s nothing really to say but Lexa doesn’t want the conversation to stop. “What about you?”

“Oh I _love_ whiskey. It’s my preferred poison, though it doesn’t always love me back.”

“Hangovers.” She clarifies when she sees the confused expression on Lexa’s face.

“Ah.” Lexa leans in and stage whispers, “Would you believe I’ve never had a hangover.”

Clarke looks surprised.

“You have to drink to get a hangover, Woods.” Murphy teases from a short distance away.

“Shut up, John.” Anya defends, but Lexa isn’t offended.

“So,” Clarke turns her body to face Lexa more full on, “You’re not _much_ of a drinker? Or you’re _not_ a drinker?”

Lexa knows it’s her cheeks that are flushing now, she shrugs“I drink wine with dinner sometimes.”

Clarke nods, “That’s dope that your parents let you drink with them.”

Lexa normally doesn’t really care what people think, so she’s surprised when she feels relief wash over her at Clarke’s casual acceptance.

“These guys give you a hard time about it?” Clarke gestures to the group.

“Oh no, not at all, they’re cool.” Lexa assures her and Clarke winks.

“Good, wouldn’t want to have to bust any lips tonight.”

It’s a clear joke, but it makes Lexa’s stomach flip, she’s unsure why exactly, but she doesn’t dwell on it for long, taking a large sip of beer instead for distraction.

\----

It’s a little past ten when Lexa checks her phone for the first time all evening, it’s unusual for her, she’s normally glued to it at these things, but she’s actually having fun. Her head is fuzzy and she needs to text with one eye closed when her mom asks her if she’ll be coming home tonight, but she’s not drunk, she’s certain of that.

“Hey, you good?” Clarke taps her knee.

“Hmm? Oh yeah, I’m fine, why?”

“Well, you’re texting with one eye open and your face is comically close to your phone screen.” Clarke chuckles, and the sound fills Lexa with a warmth similar to the one she felt after taking the shot earlier.

“Oh,” Lexa laughs lightly along with her, “I’m a little blind without my glasses.”

“And a little drunk?”

Lexa pinches her thumb and index finger together, “Maybe just a little.”

Clarke laughs again and Lexa wants to find more words to exude that sound from her. They’ve been talking in the same group for two hours and Lexa has fast decided there’s nothing she doesn’t like about Clarke.

“You got a curfew?”

Lexa shakes her head no.

“Wow, your parents must be super cool, letting you drink wine at dinner, no curfew…”

Lexa smiles, “Yeah they’re pretty cool.”

“Are they hippies?”

Lexa belly laughs at that suggestion because her father couldn’t be further from a hippy. “God no. I’ve just proven to them that they can trust me, and they know everyone here, they also know I have Anya and no one’s gonna mess with her.”

“She’s pretty tough, huh?”

“Meh, she’s a softie deep down.”

“Her and Raven seem to be getting along.” Lexa follows Clarke’s gaze a across the yard where Anya and Raven are sitting close together under a large oak tree, talking quietly with one another.

“Yeah, Raven’s good for her.”

“I’m glad Raven’s happy.” Lexa looks at Clarke who’s still staring at the two girls beneath the tree, it sounds like there’s a story hidden deep beneath Clarke’s words and Lexa wants to ask, if for no other reason then to continue to hear the sound of Clarke’s voice flooding her ears, it’s even more appealing with her buzz, but there’s something in Clarke’s tone that tells Lexa it’s personal, so she doesn’t pry.

“You girls up for a shot?” Ilian appears before them, water gun in hand, and this time wearing a t-shirt.

“Sure, why not?” Clarke stands, noting the pistol in his hand, she opens her mouth and he squirts it’s contents with perfect aim. She grimaces briefly but takes it like a champ, well, that’s Lexa’s opinion anyway.

“What about you, Woods? Fancy some Fireball?”

Lexa’s unsure, her head is telling her no, but she’s feeling a little loose and she’s enjoyed the alcohol so far. “What the heck.”

She stands a follows Clarke’s suit, opening her mouth and allowing Ilian to squirt the cinnamon flavoured shot inside. This burns more than the sambuca, but she notices it less.

“Well?” He asks expectantly.

She hiccups, and laughs, “it tastes like Christmas.”

He gives her a broad grin at that and pulls her into a strong, one armed hug. “Ok, gotta do the rounds, I’ll catch up with you later.” He directs the statement to Lexa but then turns to Clarke, extending his free hand, “Nice to meet you by the way, I’m Ilian, this is my house.”

Clarke looks surprised, but takes his hand, “Oh! Clarke. Thanks for having me.”

He shrugs like it’s nothing. “All are welcome here. Make yourself at home.”

He walks back towards the house, making a pit stop at a group of people playing beer pong; Lexa resumes her seat next to Clarke on the ground, and notes Clarke’s eyes following Ilian back into the house. She feels her stomach drop, if only for a minute.

“He seems nice,” she notes as he high fives a friend on his way through the door.

“He’s a good guy.” Lexa agrees, still eyeing Clarke as she turns to face her.

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“No!” Lexa’s quick to correct. She doesn’t know why but she wants Clarke to know she’s available, she feels the heat rise to her ears realising she may have been a bit too overzealous. “No, no boyfriends.”

Clarke quirks a brow, “Girlfriends?”

Lexa’s eyes widen, why would Clarke ask that? “What? No!”

Clarke laughs and with it Lex feels the blood return to her face. “Relax, Lex.”

_Lex._

Embarrassed at her response, Lexa looks at the beer in her hands, toying with the moist label of the bottle.

“He likes you though.”

“What?” Lexa looks up, too engulfed in her mortification to hear what Clarke had said.

“That guy… Ilian?” Lexa nods. “He’s into you, it’s _so_ obvious.”

“It is?” Lexa’s feels genuinely perplexed at everyone insisting that Ilian has a thing for her. He’s never said.

“You can’t tell?” Clarke stares at her with a sort of curious intensity, as though Lexa has a puzzle drawn on her face that she just can’t quite figure out.

Lexa shakes her head.

“Well, take it from me, that guy” she gestures with her thumb over her shoulder towards the back door, “is crushing hard on you.”

Refusing to believe that anyone in this town would feel anything remotely akin to having a “crush” on her, Lexa shakes her head again.

“No, that’s preposterous. He’s just a nice guy. He’s nice to everyone.” Clarke doesn’t look like she believes her, so she insists, “ _Really._

“Whatever you say.” Clarke sing-songs, taking a large sip of her Jack and Coke.

“What about you?” Lexa asks, eager to change the subject.

“What about me?”

“Do you… have a boyfriend?”

Clarke laughs softly but Lexa doesn’t see what’s funny.

“No.”

This time, it’s Lexa’s turn to quirk an eyebrow, “Girlfriend?”

Clarke, who had previously returned to watching the bustle of party goers move from the beer pong table to any empty clearing in the garden to play silly bat, turned her head ever so slightly in Lexa’s direction.

“Not right now.” She winks, takes another sip from her cup and stands, reaching a hand out for Lexa to take. “Wanna go play games?’

No. Lexa does not want to go play games. She’s too busy burning from the inside out with an unfamiliar fire that she can’t place. She wants to know what, if anything that wink had meant, wants to stay here in this exact spot and keep drinking with Clarke, talking to her more, share her secrets, wants to know if she previously had had girlfriends. But it’s a party, and Clarke is here to have a good time, she doesn’t want to sit around in a quiet corner with Lexa all night; with that thought in mind, Lexa takes her hand and followes her to the group in the clearing.

\---

The time on Lexa’s phone reads 1:37am, her curfew used to be 12:30 but she and her parents agreed that now that high school was over, and she had successfully made it to graduation with straight As and no mishaps, she had earned her freedom.

The party has dispersed for the most part, with many partygoers already asleep in various positions on the floor and furniture, a slow song plays faintly in the background, and those still with curfews long gone.

There’s only a small group of them left, all gathered in seats pushed closely together around the kitchen table. Lexa is sandwiched between Ilian and Clarke. She tells herself the heat she feels searing through her body is because of the alcohol and the warm bodies on either side of her, but the butterflies she’s feeling are betraying her conviction.

“So what’s everyone’s plans for the rest of the Summer?” Ilian asks the group, she doesn’t see it but his eyes glance down towards Lexa.

“Nothing man,” Murphy’s the first to respond. “Just chilling here, probably just pick up some shifts at the old man’s shop since _someone’_ s leaving him high and dry this Summer.”

Raven rolls her eyes at the words clearly directed at her. “I’m not leaving him high and dry. I’m taking a vacation, I’ll be back.”

All attention turns to Raven, seemingly the only person at the table with anything of interest going on this summer, except for Lexa, her attention is focused solely on Anya who looks like this is news to her.

“You’re leaving?” Yep, this discussion clearly had not yet been had.

Raven shifts her body slightly from where it’s perched on Anya’s lap, she has the decency to look apologetic that Anya’s found out this way.

“Yeah my uncle hooked me up with this like engineering internship thing, it’s no big deal but it’s good experience.”

“How long will you be gone?” The vulnerability in Anya’s tone makes Lexa feel like they’re intruding on a private conversation, but no one else makes any move to leave and she has no easy escape, so she watches along with everyone else.

“Just a month.” Raven doesn’t meet Anya’s eyes.

“Were you going to tell me?” Ah there it is, the fiery pride Lexa knows too well.

“Of course I was going to tell you. I only found out for definite earlier today.”

“But Murphy knew!” Anya’s voice rises, Lexa racks her brain for any way to defuse the situation but comes up blank.

“Well Murphy _Senior_ knew. I didn’t exactly bank on John spilling the beans tonight.”

“Sorry.” And for his part, John looks it.

“When do you leave?”

“In two weeks.”

There’s an awkward silence after that. The only sound coming from the music playing softly in the living room. It’s only been seconds but seems like an eternity before Lexa feels the body to her left straighten up.

“Well, that’s perfect then!” Ilian announces, “You’ll be here for my Summer cabin trip!”

Lexa glances around the group, confirming that everyone is equally as confused as she is.

Raven looks visibly perplexed before speaking up. “Dude? Why are you saying this like it’s an annual thing? What cabin?”

“My parents’ cabin,” he responds as if it’s obvious, “they said I could take friends up there this Summer… “

“You have a _cabin_?” Anya exclaims, the Raven drama clearly forgotten. “You’ve been holding out on us!”

Ilian laughs, “No I haven’t. My parents never let me have the place to myself before, but I figured it could be fun for us all to get away before leaving for college.”

He looks around the table for a response, “So? Who’s in?”

“Hell yeah!” Raven turns to high five Anya who surprisingly reciprocates .

“Sure, I got no other plans.’ John shrugs from his seat at the end of the table.

“You know it.” Roan, Ilian’s best friend, reaches across the table for a fist bump.

The rest of the group excitedly agrees, and Ilian turns to Lexa, “You’ll come?”

Lexa looks to Anya, who nods encouragingly.

“Sure, why not?”

This earns a wide grin from Ilian, “Great!” He then looks past Lexa to the blond on her right. “Clarke!”

She moves her head around Lexa to address him, “Yeah?”

“You should come too! You know, if you’re still in town.”

“I’d like that.”

If Lexa was hot before, she’s on fire now, she hadn’t given any thought to seeing Clare again after tonight, but now that she knows they will meet again, her whole body is abuzz with an unfamiliar energy.

“Excellent. We leave next Friday.”

\---

Lexa’s parents are in bed when she arrives home. She hadn’t intended on staying out so late, but then again, she hadn’t intended on enjoying herself so much. She hadn’t intended on meeting Clarke.

She climbs into bed not bothering to remove her jeans or make up, throwing her sweater somewhere on the floor, and plugs her phone in.

She has one new text from Anya.

**[Anya:]**

Did you have fun?

**[Lexa:]**

I did.

**[Anya:]**

Cool.

**[Lexa:]**

Did Clarke have a good time?

**[Anya:]**

How would I know?

Lexa places her phone under her pillow and rolls onto her back. Of course Anya wouldn’t know. She’s frankly surprised Anya’s even bothered to remember Clarke’s name. She regrets now not asking for her number. But that would have been weird.

She closes her eyes and tries not to overthink the way her stomach somersaults when she thinks about her evening with Clarke, tries not to dwell too much on not getting her number, or at very least her Instagram handle. Clarke had agreed to come to the cabin.

They’ll meet again.


	2. Chapter 2

_November 2010_

When she sees her destination coming into view she picks up her pace, hugging her arms as tightly around her waist as she can manage in an effort to retain every ounce of heat that remains contained inside her duffle coat. Her cheeks sting from the icy breeze, and she doesn’t need a mirror to know her nose could rival Rudolf’s. Lexa knew winters in Polis would be a far cry from home but she had come vastly unprepared for _this_.

The bell chimes above her head as she pushes her way into the bustling coffee shop, the heat hits her like a warm welcome home and she quietly enjoys the tingling of her ears as they begin to regain feeling. She scans the room for an empty seat - it’s usually pretty quiet with most people preferring to frequent the Starbucks a little further away - however it seems to have become a refuge of sorts for students who need their coffee fix but aren’t willing to brace the cold for any longer than is necessary.

She spots an empty table in the back corner of the small shop, she prefers the window seats, enjoys people watching, but beggars can’t be choosers.

“The usual?”

She switches her gaze to the pretty barista standing behind the counter with a gentle smile, and nods. It always makes her feel good when the girl, _Costia_ (according to her name tag), remembers her order, which is ridiculous really because up until a week ago she was one of the only customers in here on any given day. Lexa’s sure Costia remembers a lot of orders.

“Please.”

Costia gestures with a nod over to the table Lexa had previously been eyeing, “Go before one of these vultures takes your spot. I’ll drop it down.”

Lexa is more than aware of the blush forming on her cheeks at the special treatment, but hopes Costia thinks it’s from the cold air outside.

“Thank you.”

\---

Her hazelnut mocha sits relatively untouched as she eagerly turns the pages of her latest obsession, so lost is she in the poetic words that adorn the pages in front of her that she s doesn’t even notice the figure approach her table until a shadow looms over her. She stiffens, she doesn’t want company, she comes here to be alone.

“Is someone sitting here?”

“No, but I’d really prefer…” She trails off when her eyes meet the familiar blue she had spent so many weeks – months even - dreaming about. “Clarke?”

Lexa can’t quite believe what she’s seeing. She had more or less convinced herself that she had made Clarke up, that the blonde was nothing more than the fabrication of her intoxicated mind.

“In the flesh.” Clarke’s voice is light but she looks awkward, still standing with her cup and saucer in hand.

“Oh, right,” Lexa realises she hadn’t actually consented to sharing her table, “of course! Sit.”

Clarke visibly relaxes at that, placing her coffee on the table and tossing her bookbag on the floor near her chair. Lexa stares at her wondering if she’s perhaps fallen asleep in the coffee shop and this is one of those weirdly realistic dreams. Clarke stares back, studying her in the same way she seemed to all those months ago.

“You never came.” Lexa states.. She hadn’t planned that to be her opener but here they were.

“Huh?”

“Uhm, to the cabin.” She looks down, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, closing her book to occupy her hands. When Clarke doesn’t immediately respond she clarifies, “In the summer. Ilian’s cabin. You were supposed to…”

She wishes the ground would open up and swallow her whole, _why_ did she even bring this up? She hadn’t seen Clarke in months, only met her once. She wasn’t owed an explanation. Clarke may not have even enjoyed their company, of course she wasn’t going to accompany them on their trip, she had probably only accepted the invitation to be polite. But when she looks up again she notes the recognition appear on Clarke’s face.

“Oh right, the cabin trip. Yeah I was planning on going but something… came up.”

There’s more to that, but Lexa doesn’t pry, she’s not sure how but she knows Clarke doesn’t want her to.

“Well, you didn’t miss much.”

“No?” Clarke raises an eyebrow and smirks knowingly around her cup.

Lexa narrows her eyes at her, “What did Raven tell you?”

“Oooh nothing,” the singsong tone should annoy Lexa but it makes her stomach flutter instead, “Just that a certain someone kissed a certain other someone.”

The flutters drop like lead. “She told you that?”

“Don’t worry, she wasn’t gossiping… I asked.”

“You did?”

Clarke nods, taking another sip of her coffee.

“So, what’s the deal? Was it a one-time thing? A summer fling? The romance of the century?” Clarke is bold and Lexa enjoys it but she wishes the topic of conversation was about something more exciting than Lexa’s love life.

“Uhm, no, Ilian and I are still dating.”

Something flashes in Clarke’s eyes but it passes too quickly for Lexa to be sure she even saw it. “Good for you guys! Anyone could see that coming.”

Lexa offers a tight smile and nods, because that’s what everyone had said, that they were a long overdue coupling. She wasn’t sure she agreed.

“So he goes here too?”

Lexa shakes her head, “No, he’s in D.C.”

Clarke seems surprised to learn that, “Wow. Long distance? That must

be tough.”

“Not particularly.”

It’s Clarke’s turn not pry.

“How come I haven’t seen you around campus before now?” Lexa asks, eager to change the topic away from Ilian.

Clarke shrugs, “I started a little late… I had some family stuff to deal with.”

There it is again. Something in Clarke’s tone that Lexa can’t quite place, she desperately wants to ask because it sounds like Clarke could use some comfort, but she can sense it wouldn’t be a good idea.

As if realising Lexa was battling some inner turmoil, Clarke perks up, adding, “Plus Lex, there’s literally ten thousand kids at this school, it’s lucky we ran into each other at all.”

_Lex._

“So, what are you doing tonight?”

Lexa stirs her now cold coffee, “I dunno, studying? Netflix maybe.”

“On a Saturday night?” Clarke laughs playfully, but Lexa still feels embarrassed, “Good to see some things never change.”

Lexa likes the way Clarke talks to her, like they’re old friends rather than two people who met at a high school party one time.

“Well sorry to burst your bubble book-worm,” Clarke nudges the book sitting in front of Lexa with her index finger, “But we’re going out.”

“We are?”

Clarke nods.

“Where?”

“The Lab.” Clarke smirks playfully, “and no, before you go getting all excited, I mean the bar, not the science kind.”

Lexa laughs, “Very funny.”

Clarke throws her eyes up, titling her head to the side “I know.”

“I can’t go.” Lexa sips at her drink, unfazed by its coolness, too often forgetting it’s there when enthralled in a good book.

“Why not?”

“I’m not twenty one.”

“Neither am I.” Clarke challenges. “But I know people.”

Of _course_ Clarkes has the hook up.

“So?”

“So what?”

“Will you come?”

Lexa sighs in resignation, “Fine.”

If she thinks it’s a bad idea she doesn’t allow herself to dwell on it when she sees the way Clarke beams back at her.

“Great, meet me there at nine.”

Lexa feels a pang of disappointment when she sees Clarke reaching for her bag and moving to stand, and if her voice sounds needy when she says “You’re leaving?” she ignores it.

“Places to go, people to see.” Is all Clarke offers in return, calling over her should as she walks away. “See you at nine.”

\---

Lexa breathes into the cup of her hands, doing her best to keep them warm against the cold night air, she scans the street up and down, feeling foolish for arriving exactly on time.

Her watch tells her it’s 9:05.

She groans when her phone buzzes in her pocket forcing her to remove them from their heat supply, and she hesitates when she sees the Caller I.D, - _Illian_.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” His greeting is warm, as always. “What’s up?”

“Not much, you?” Lexa doesn’t offer much, she never really does.

“I’m good. Today was hella hectic with practice, Coach had us run like fifty laps. What dd you get up to?”

“Just spent some time reading, caught up with an old friend.” _Clarke._

“Oh cool, you met someone you know there?”

“Kind of.”

“Where are you? It sounds like you’re outside?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m waiting for a friend.” Lexa shuffles awkwardly, still scanning the street for a familiar face.

“A friend?” She knows the light tone of jealousy she hears in Ilian’s tone is more to do with how vague she’s being than the fact she’s meeting a friend.

“Yeah, Clarke, she came to your party a few months back.” He’s a good guy and she has nothing to hide.

“No way!” His tone shifts, he’s perky, enthusiastic, “She goes there? What’re the odds?”

“I know right?” And Lexa agrees because she can’t believe her luck.

“So what do you guys have planned for the night?”

“She’s dragging me out to some bar.” She tries to sound nonchalant about it but even she can hear the undertones of excitement in her voice.

“You’re going to a _bar_?” He laughs lightly, “Well, that’s new.”

“You always say college is about trying new things.”

She can hear the smile in his voice when he tells her he’s glad she’s finally listening.

A tap on her shoulder startles her causing her phone to slip from her hand, she has impeccable reflexes and catches it with the other before it even makes it half-way to the ground.

“Woah,” Clarke holds her hands in the air, “sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Lexa laughs nervously, embarrassed at how easily spooked she is.

“That’s ok.”

“Nice catch.” Clarke nods to the phone in her hand and Lexa’s reminded her boyfriend is still on the line.

“Oh shit – Illian?”

“Lex, what happened?! Are you ok?” _Lex_ just doesn’t sound the same coming from him, and the genuine concern in his voice makes her feel guilty for feeling whatever this is she’s trying to pretend she’s not feeling standing in front of Clarke.

“Yeah I’m fine, Clarke just snuck up on me.” She throws a playful, pointed look in Clarke’s direction.

“Oh, ok good, you scared me.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, go have fun, I’ll call you tomorrow to hear all about it.”

“Sounds good, have a good night.”

“You too. Love you.”

“You too.”

She pockets her phone again and returns her full attention to Clarke; she can’t be certain but the way Clarke’s eyes find her in a hurry, and with the shadow of guilt on Clarke’s face – had Clarke been _checking_ her out? No. Impossible.

"You look nice.” Clarke’s words only encourage her wild theory and Lexa takes an unapologetic moment to run her eyes along Clarke’s outfit.

“So do you. I love your boots.” Because that’s what girls do when they admire other girls, they compliment them. And she figures she does admire Clarke, that’s what this feeling is, _admiration_ , because she’s bold and cool, and confident in ways that Lexa isn’t.

Clarke smirks, “Thanks. Wanna head inside?”

“Sure.”

\--

The music is loud but not loud enough that you couldn’t have a decent conversation, there’s no DJ or band playing, it’s some old-school rock song filtering through the speakers, she doesn’t know the name but it sounds like one of her dad’s old records and that brings her a comfort she didn’t know she needed.

It’s busy but not overly crowded, booths line the walls and some tall circular tables are scattered in the middle, there’s an open space in front of the stage to her right that she supposes is used as a dance floor. The bar is up a bit and to the left; they need to meander around some people who’ve chosen to stand by the tall tables instead of sit, and she doesn’t object when Clarke takes her hand to lead her the way.

They secure an empty spot and squeeze together on two bar stools. Clarke taps her knee to get her attention. “What do you want to drink?”

Lexa shrugs. She’d attended a few more parties over the summer and gotten acquired to the taste of beer but she’d never been to a bar before, she didn’t know what was _cool_ to drink at a bar. She didn’t want to look immature and underage. “Whatever you’re having is fine.”

Clarke looks at her sceptically but doesn’t argue. She raises her hand to get the bartender’s attention; he nods at her but doesn’t move from where he stands fixing up some other drinks. “Can I get two whiskey sours, and two shots of tequila?”

“Comin’ up!” He calls back, doing a click and gun-finger gesture with his hands that Lexa thinks is lame but that makes Clarke giggle.

“Thought you were more of a wine and beer gal?”

“Yeah well, people keep telling me that college is about trying new things.”

“People?” Clarke tilts her head to the side and Lexa can’t help her gaze from falling to her neck; she catches herself quickly and prays Clarke hadn’t noticed.

“Anya… and Ilian.”

Clarke nods, “How is Anya?”

Lexa isn’t sure how to respond, she doesn’t know if she should be telling Clarke how Anya is, but Clarke seems genuinely interested.

“Not good.” Clarke nods again, an understanding look on her face. “She’s not been herself since the accident. She carries a lot of guilt.”

“Makes sense.”

“And Raven?”

Clarke offers a weak smile, “Not good either.”

“Now ladies, two whiskey sours, and two shots of tequila. Do you want salt and lemon?”

Lexa’s grateful for the interruption, and it looks as though Clarke is too.

“We’re good, thanks Finn.” Clarke hands him her card and pushes two glasses towards Lexa.

Clarke picks up her shot glass.

“Are we toasting to something?” Lexa asks.

Clarke looks thoughtful for a moment before deciding, “To chance encounters and happy reunions.”

Lexa raises her glass to that and uses the shot to hide her smile.

“Nicely done ladies, nicely done.” The bartender returns with Clarke’s card, handing it back with a wink that doesn’t sit right with Lexa.

“Another?” He gestures to the shot glasses.

Clarke looks to Lexa and then shakes her head. “We’re ok for now, thanks Finn.”

He offers them a thumbs up and takes the glasses to the sink.

Clarke reaches for Lexa’s hand again and guides her to an empty booth near the stage.

“There’s a really cool band playing here tonight.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Clarke leans in closer across the table, “but I may be a bit bias.”

“Why’s that?”

Clarke takes a sip of her drink, looking proud when she admits, “It’s my best friend’s band.”

This piques Lexa’s interest. She’s not massively into music but she notes to at least try to enjoy it tonight if it’s Clarke’s friend playing.

“What’s their name?”

“Octavia.” There’s beat before Clarke chuckles when recognition dawns, “You meant the band?”

Lexa laughs, smiling around her straw as she nods.

“The Delinquents.”

“That’s a cool name.”

\--

Lexa will admit the band is _good_ and not just for Clarke’s sake. They certainly know how to work a crowd.

Clarke is bopping along to a song she’s clearly heard a million times - Lexa notes how she drums the table at just the right part of every verse – her cheeks are rosy from the whiskey sours and the stage lights reflect brightly in her glassy eyes; though Lexa’s only seen her like this once before, she knows she’s got a good buzz going, Lexa does too.

Blonde curls bob up and down with every head shake, and Lexa stares intently at her delicate fingers as they once again strum the table in time with the beat.

“You should loosen up a little.”

“Hmm?” Lexa was too busy observing Clarke to catch what she had said.

“You look like you’re strapped to a plank of wood.” She shimmies in her seat, “Move a little.”

Lexa laughs, “Dancing’s not really my thing.”

“Mine either, but who cares? No one’s looking.”

Lexa doesn’t even know how to shimmy, it doesn’t come natural, she feels awkward and uncomfortable, and though she knows no one’s watching, she feels like every eye in the room is burning into her back. But she tries, because it’s good to try new things she reminds herself.

She gives her shoulders a wiggle and it makes Clarke laugh. The sound emboldens her, she suddenly no longer cares if people are staring, it’s making Clarke happy, so she throws in a head bop, tossing her hair forward and back as she does so, wild curls flailing.

When she sits back upright they’re both laughing. It feels nice, carefree. Lexa realises this is the most fun she’s had since… well, ever.

“See, I knew it you had it in you.”

“I have like eight whiskey sours in me, don’t think I’ll be making a habit of this.”

“Right.” Clarke winks.

“This is nice. Are you having fun?”

Lexa nods in response, her mouth too full of liquid to verbally respond.

“Good. Me too.”

With that Clarke turns to face the band again in time to catch what appears to be her favourite part.

Lexa can’t tear her eyes away.

\--

“Clarke! You made it!” A small brunette all but jumps into Clarke’s side of the booth, wrapping sweaty arms around her. Lexa recognises her as the drummer.

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Clarke reciprocates the hug, unfazed by the sweatiness of it all.

Lexa looks at her almost empty drink, toying with the straw, worried she’s intruding on their moment. Clarke must sense it because she pulls back from the drummer and gestures to Lexa.

“O, this is Lexa.”

Lexa looks up at the sound of her name and meets the wary eyes of the other girl. “Nice to meet you.”

The girl accepts her extended hand with a firm grip.

“Lexa, this is Octavia.”

“What’s up.” Octavia nods, releasing her grasp. “What did you think of the show?”

“You guys were amazing.” And she means it.

“Thanks, we were a little off tonight, my brother usually sings lead vocals but he’s down with a cold. We play here every other Saturday though, you should come again.”

“I’d like that a lot.”

Clarke casually places a hand on Lexa’s forearm but her eyes are on Octavia when she promises, “I’ll make sure of it.”

“Ok, It’s been a long set, I’m wiped but as is tradition, who’s in for after-show shots?”

Clarke places a hand over her heart, dramatically declaring, “I wouldn’t dare break with tradition.” She laughs, shooing Octavia from the booth, “Move out, they’re on me.”

As soon as she’s out of earshot, Octavia turns her attention back to Lexa with a playful laugh, “I sure hope Finn’s blinders are on tight tonight.”

The bartender? Lexa’s confused, which must be obvious to Octavia as she elaborates, “He has a major thing for Clarke, that’s how she never gets carded in here _and_ he gives her half price drinks.”

Lexa can’t say she’s surprised by this information but she’s really not sure why she hates the idea of it so much.

“All I’m saying is that, if he picked up on your vibe tonight, I doubt he’d take it well, he acts like a toddler when he doesn’t get his way.”

“Our vibe?” Lexa wasn’t aware there was a vibe.

Octavia laughs again, “Please, it’s clear as day there’s a vibe.”

Lexa’s curiosity is cut short when Clarke returns with three shots.

The share a toast to The Delinquents and Octavia soon after excuses herself, claiming exhaustion.

Lexa looks at her watch - 12:17.

“Time to call it a night?”

She wants to say no, she’s not ready to say goodbye to Clarke just yet.

“How about I walk you home?” Clarke offers, sensing Lexa’s inner turmoil.

“No, I couldn’t let you do that, how would you get home?”

Clarke just shrugs, “I’ll call an Uber. Come on.”

Once again Clarke takes Lexa’s hand and leads them to the exit, waving a half-hearted goodbye to a disappointed looking Finn.

\--

Lexa’s never been outside on campus this late. It’s nice, she finds herself musing. The usually hectic common areas are mostly silent and still save for a few drunken partygoers making their way home.

The two girls walk side by side, shoulders brushing occasionally, Lexa’s surprised by how at ease she feels with Clarke.

“Do you have a roommate?”

Lexa nods, “Yeah, Luna. She’s pretty cool.”

“Are you two friends?”

She laughs, “I guess you could call us that. What about you?”

“If you consider my mom a roommate.” Clarke giggles.

“Oh, I didn’t realise you lived in Polis.”

“Yeah my mom got a job offer here and after my dad passed it just made sense for her to accept it since I was coming here for college anyway.”

Clarke freezes for a millisecond as though realising she let slip something she hadn’t intended to.

Lexa reaches down and gives her a hand a brief squeeze, “I’m sorry about your dad.”

Clarke squeezes back, “Thanks.”

They leave it at that. 

A comfortable silence falls between them as they close the short distance to Lexa’s dorm.

“Well, this is me.”

They find themselves hovering in front of the doorway. Lexa wonders what they do now – should they hug?

“I’d invite you inside but Luna’s a bit weird about having friends over at night.”

“No, no, I totally get it.”

“I’ll wait with you until your Uber gets here?”

“I’d like that.”

\--

They sit quietly on a bench waiting for Clarke’s ride; the atmosphere between them has changed and Lexa can’t explain it but it feels both awkward and charged.

She wants to say something to make it go away but she doesn’t know what’s causing it or what words to use; in the end it’s Clarke that breaks the silence.

“Would it make me a terrible person if I told you I desperately want to kiss you?”

Lexa definitely wasn’t expecting _that_. Clarke seems to take her stunned silence as confirmation and apologises.

“I shouldn’t have said that, that was out of line… you have a boyfriend.”

“No!” It comes out louder than Lexa had meant for it to. “No it’s not – _you’re_ not a terrible person.”

Clarke scoffs, “Not sure your boyfriend would agree.”

And maybe it’s Lexa who’s the terrible person because Ilian isn’t really at the forefront of her thought process right now. “You want to kiss me?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“I don’t really tend to have a very good radar for these things.” Lexa admits sheepisly.

“Honestly?” Clarke starts, and Lexa looks at her expectantly, hanging on her every word, “I wanted to kiss you the night we met.”

Lexa toys with her fingers for a moment before asking quietly, “Why didn’t you?”

“I asked myself that a million times,” she shrugs, “and you seemed startled when I asked if you had a girlfriend… I guess I just didn’t want to overstep.”

“How come you’re saying it now?”

“Because I’m a little drunk, and because life’s too fucking short, dude.” Clarke tilts her head back so that she’s looking up at the stars. “It’s too short.”

There’s a million things that Lexa wants to say, but words fail her, and she’s _so_ torn. Torn because she’s all too aware of the side of her she knows is there but that she’s never fully confronted, torn because she has a boyfriend and he’s a _good_ guy who deserves better than the lie she’s been feeding him, torn because her responsible brain is telling her that it’s wrong, it would be cheating, and torn because it’s all she wants to do, to kiss Clarke.

Her body acts as if on instinct, placing a gentle hand over Clarke’s, bringing her attention back to Lexa.

They stare at each other for a long moment, the charged energy even thicker than before. Lexa doesn’t know what comes over her but she’s past the point of rationalising when she reaches her other hand up to cup Clarke’s cheek causing her to take a jagged breath; Clarke leans closer as though a magnetic pull is drawing her into Lexa, and Lexa’s eyes fall closed in anticipation. She can feel warm breath on her plump lips and she sticks her tongue out to quickly moisten them. Her heart is beating loudly behind her ribs; she grips Clarke’s hand just a little tighter –

**_*Beep*_ **

Both girls jump apart at the intrusive sound.

“Clarke Griffin?” The woman calls from the drivers seat.

Clarke purses her lips before exchanging it for a small smile, “Yep that’s me.”

She turns to Lexa who feels suddenly a lot more sober than she did a moment ago, “We’ll talk?”

Lexa just nods, her entire body buzzing from what had almost happened.

She sits there for a while even after Clarke’s ride had left, confused and exhilarated. That certainly wasn’t what she had expected.

\--

When she calls Ilian the next morning, she knows by the sound of his voice that he knows what’s coming before she has to say it.

“Did something bad happen last night, Lex? You know you can talk to me.”

She sighs.

“No, nothing bad. This has been a long time coming, I think we can both agree on that.”

His voice cracks on the other end of the line, “Is there someone else?”

“Yes.” She states plainly, because she owes him at least the truth.

“So you’re leaving me for some guy you just met?” His anger is muted by clear hurt and rejection.

“I’m not leaving you for someone else.”

“But you just said...” he trails off, sniffling.

“I know, and there is someone else that I have feelings for. But I’m not leaving you _for_ them. I’m breaking up with you for both of us. I can’t be what you need, and you can’t be what I need. It’s no one’s fault.”

“I could try to be what you need?”

Lexa shakes her head though he can’t see her.

“No, you can’t. I’m sorry.”

And she means it.

The line is silent for a moment, and when his voice returns it’s more collected, she can hear a half-smile, “I guess there’s no changing your mind?”

“No.”

He releases a heavy breath.

“Ok then. Well, I respect that. I want you to be happy.”

“I want that for you too, Ilian.”

Her heart hurts, it’s her first break up and she wonders if break ups are just designed to hurt regardless of how you feel about the other person romantically.

“You take care of yourself, Lexa.”

“You too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)

**Author's Note:**

> \- Thanks for reading -


End file.
